To get an idea of the 7th grader’s mindset, take a look at his backpack, if you dare. Chances are it’s a disorganized mess of papers, books, headphones, and half-eaten bags of chips.
“It’s all part of the 7th grade package,” says a veteran 7th grade teacher.
Grade 7 is a transitional time when kids are leaving their childhood behind and looking ahead to high school. Their lives are changing, their bodies are changing, and keeping their math homework in the correct folder just isn’t a priority.
“Seventh-graders, particularly boys, face significant challenges in organization and motivation. It’s typical of adolescence. They’re asserting their uniqueness and facing new challenges.”
Students in 7th grade often spend time and energy convincing their parents to go away, but in reality kids at this age need clear limits, meaningful consequences, and parental support. Instead, parents sometimes take a hands-off approach in hopes that their child will become more independent.
For parents struggling with how much to hover during homework time, Let the first half of the first marking period go by without intervening unless she asks for help. Once you get initial feedback from the school, adjust the game plan accordingly. If your child grades in math are terrible, you need to see your child math homework every night .
It’s important that parents make good on their threats of punishment. If you tell your 7th grader you’re going to ground if you get another report saying he/she isn’t doing homework, then you need to ground your child.
“Our lives are so busy, we don’t follow through on consequences,” Rakow says. “The kids find out we’re full of baloney.”
Another shift that continues from 5th and 6th grades is the need for kids to gain approval from peers rather than adults. They are no longer motivated to do well in school because they want to please their teachers or their parents. They want to gain favor among their peers. Girls who have always been good at math may get the message that it’s cooler to be dumb in class than to be the student who always has the right answer.
The hardest part about having a 7th grader is that their behavior can be confusing. One minute you’re talking about current events and your child seems like an adult; the next, he’s stomping away and throwing a temper tantrum. That’s why it’s so important for parents not to let discipline issues slide: “It goes from being a stage to being their behavior.”
Another issue parents face with their 7th grader is conflict over activities. Your child may want to play a sport and remain active in a youth group, running her parents ragged.
The 7th grader can test a parent’s patience, but the key is to not surrender. Once they learn it’s not OK to quit doing their homework, to stop working hard in school, to demand a cell phone only to never answer it when a parent calls, and to mumble one-word responses to their parents, they’ll realize it’s useless to push back.
And then, don’t be surprised if out of nowhere you get a glimpse of the fantastic teenager your child is turning into.